"I've got the River Nile backstage in a bin liner."

That's not a Jamieism, before you wonder. And the first part of this post is not actually choir-related, but I wanted to share something that amused me so much yesterday morning that I'm still giggling about it :-) (Apologies to anyone who's here from LJ, because this is a repeat, but the two audiences are fairly mutually exclusive, I think.)

I'm being a brother in Joseph this week, as many of you are aware. The show is at a nearby school that I've been helping out with their musical rehearsals as part of a staff exchange thingy. Me actually taking part in the show wasn't part of the plan, let alone ACTING (which I'm not very good at). But there are 11 brothers in Joseph, and they are counted and named individually on several occasions, so it doesn't work if there are less. So when one dropped out a few weeks ago, they asked if I'd be in it, since I knew all the words... I feel EXTREMELY old, since everyone else on stage is over 20 years younger than me :p

The quote in the title is something I heard the producer say last week, which greatly amused me at the time. But I didn't realise what she meant till yesterday, during the technical rehearsal. We'd just finished "Poor Poor Joseph", which involves camels and Ishmaelites and Joseph being sold as a slave. We were about to go on to "One more angel in heaven", which involves cowboys. And the producer wandered onstage with a very long piece of blue material.

PRODUCER: Where d'you want this?
DIRECTOR: What is it?
PRODUCER: The river!
DIRECTOR: What river?
PRODUCER: The River Nile!
DIRECTOR: What's that for?
PRODUCER: So they can cross over it to get to Egypt!
DIRECTOR: Well, unless it can become the Colorado River, it's not going in, because we're doing the cowboy song now.

Hee! Now I realise that's not that funny written down. But I have been giggling ever since at the thought of this poor woman bringing on the RIVER NILE. From a BIN LINER. And being sent away because it was too late :p

Anyway, today was the dress rehearsal and the opening night, and I'm pleased to report that the River Nile did make it into the performance. (It wasn't explained that that's what it was, though... I wonder how many of the audience realised?) There were a few problems with mics (aren't there always?) but on the whole things went well. I get to do it all again tomorrow and Wednesday. I believe there'll be a DVD, if anyone's interested in seeing it :p

And then on Thursday I may get to do my vocal assessment. Yes, mine was supposed to be yesterday. But I didn't do it, despite being there for almost 5 hours! I'll explain why in a minute. The reason I was there for that long was of course that I'd volunteered to be the organiser for the day (I wouldn't have, if I'd known I'd have a 4 hour rehearsal immediately beforehand, but that was only arranged last week!) It was all rather chaotic at the start. David was 15 minutes late, so we started late and then got later due to Jamie's illness (see below). Then, the assessment room was such a pigsty that Maggie and I and the security guard removed 2 binliners full of rubbish (literally). It looked as if it had been used as a dressing room for their school production, and I presume they had the show on Friday night and thought "we can clean this on Monday". It really was unfit for human use, and I have asked Cathy to make a complaint. Certainly we shouldn't be charged the full amount. Particularly given that it was so very cold! The security guard (a fabulous guy called Jimmy) found a fan heater for the assessment room, but there was no heating on anywhere else, so the foyer (where we we waiting) was freezing, and the warmup rooms were very inappropriately named! Also, I'd forgotten that the Youth Orchestra and Youth Choir rehearse at WHGS on a Sunday afternoon, so the first hour's worth of singers had to compete with extremely loud excerpts from Carmen above them!

The other big problem was that Jamie was not at all well. He came out of Dorothy's assessment halfway through (escorted by Maggie) and stayed outside for quite a while. I was expecting him to come back and ask if I could somehow cancel the rest, but he continued, although he did leave the room on 3 or 4 more occasions. By the end the poor guy looked close to collapse. (After he went back in after his first long break, he didn't play the piano again - he asked David to play for the sight reading too, so we jiggled the process slightly to accommodate this.)

That's why I didn't do my own assessment - I was supposed to be on near the start, but said I'd go last since I was staying anyway, so as to get the schedule closer to what it should be. But at the end he looked so bad I offered to come back on Thursday and do it then, and he accepted. I do hope he's had a good rest today...

I must say I enjoyed having the chance to chat to people I never normally get the chance to meet. And everyone had a fabulous attitude - we were almost an hour late at some points, yet no-one complained or even looked fed up, they just all took it in their stride. I think my egg helped... I got these for Rachel B for her birthday recently, and when I saw them I decided I had to get some for myself too. And it occurred to me that they're so calming that it might be a good plan to take one to WHGS. So I did, and put it on a stool for people to stare at, and it occasioned much comment! One of the Youth Choir mums came back several times to look at it, and made a note of the website I got it from (which is iwantoneofthose.com... WARNING: do not visit that site unless you are totally broke. Because otherwise, you soon will be!)

Oh, and talking of 1st altos not having their brains switched on (sorry, ladies!), the person who turned the wrong way coming out of the assessment room (and consequently tried to exit the building via a door marked clearly "this door is alarmed", and set the alarm off), and the person who arrived over 2 hours early because she got confused about the 24-hour clock? Both 1st altos :-)

Finally... most amusing choice of solo? I think it has to be Abi's. It was fairly incongrous in Italian, till we realised that the translation was something about throbbing bosoms.... definitely a conversation-starter! The tenors were very excited :p